Nothing seems to inspire nightmares in the natural world quite like the long spindly legs of arthropods. There are quite a number of them, too, but we’re going to take a look at the ones that require you to empty the whole flamethrower were they loose in your house. The biggest of the big, real life monsters.

Japanese Spider Crab

The only saving grace of the Japanese spider crab is the fact that it lives underwater and, for now, we do not. If it were to crawl up on land, develop a breathing apparatus and walk down the street,
its leg span, from claw tip to claw tip would be nearly as long as a Prius. At up to 12 feet long it could reach wall to wall in the average room, leaving no escape. The carapace can be up to 16 inches wide and it can weigh 42 pounds! So do you think it would still fit in a pokeball?

Goliath Bird-eater

Look, I don’t even like writing this, because it means I have to look at these beasts which, while interesting, are still creepy as fuck. The goliath birdeater, previous bearer of the largest arachnid crown, is a tarantula native to the rainforests of northern South America. Its leg span is nearly a foot long. Yeah, that Subway sandwich you were eating for lunch that wasn’t quite a foot long because cutting costs means cutting an inch off of your meal, that could have been an eight legged freak with inch and a half fangs! They are venomous but the venom is mostly harmless to humans, comparable to a wasp sting. But no worries, the Birdeater females only lay 100 to 200 eggs at a time, no big deal.

Heterometrus Swammerdami

The largest scorpion on the planet lives in India and can grow up to 9 inches long. This thing looks like a lobster that got tired of swimming and learned to breathe regular air like the rest of us while turning its tail into a weapon. Oh.. god, someone check on the spider crabs! They are venomous but again pretty harmless to most humans. This is because they have developed to kill their prey by crushing them to death with their claws. Believe me, you do not want to find one of these in your boots in the dark. That might actually be a concern, because these are common as pets here in the United States.

Daddy Longlegs Penis

No, you read that correctly. Of course, my wife sent me the link to this and it might be the scariest thing on the list. A 99 million year old amber-preserved daddy longlegs was found in Burma, a new species: Halitherses grimaldii. It was entombed while fully aroused, allowing us to see that its fully erect penis is almost half of its body length! I really don’t have to say much else, I’ll leave it to you to imagine other creatures with members that long.

Giant Huntsman Spider

Recently crowned the largest spider in the world by leg-span, the Huntsman was only discovered in 2001 in Laos. This horrific hellion can grow to have a 12 inch leg-span, so long it would have no problem attaching itself to and covering your entire face like a facehugger alien. While it does not appear that they can jump that high from the ground, just watch out from above. These spiders are fast and do not build webs, instead, they hunt down their prey like lions on the Serengeti. While their venom is not a threat to humans, it’s enough that they are enormous and fast to warrant the complete annihilation of my house and belongings should one be found stalking my dog from the ceiling. Very few have actually seen this particular giant, but smaller Huntsman spiders are found all over the world, and in fact, may be in and around your home right now, laying nearly 200 eggs at a time creating little colonies of dread demons for you to go all Ripley on should you ever encounter them.