So the other day we were watching some movies over at Aggressive Comix when we realized the movie we were watching… didn’t hold up. And the last time any of us REALLY watched it we were teenagers (back when we THOUGHT we knew best… but we didn’t) So we decided to create a list of the awful movies we used to like as kids. (in no particular order)

Super Mario Brothers (Stephen Franchek)


Don’t be so proud of that statement yet boys… So Super Mario Brothers is the one game everyone remembers as a kid. When they announced they were making a movie I remember excitement filling my heart and running to the theater with my father so I could watch the game I played so often come to life. I LOVED this turd of a film. Back then you really don’t think that John Leguizamo being brother to Bob Hoskins was an issue. We thought that King Koopa was awesome… When you get older and slap this movie in you laugh at how awful it really was. From the terrible graphics to the stupid storyline to the big fat broad that randomly beats up old women for really no reason, to the teenagers bed room… and by that I do mean the cum soaked room… or maybe it was slime? I forget. Either way this movie is great if you want to engage in a drinking game. Otherwise


Crow Salvation (Dom Davis and Rich Cassidy)


Crow Salvation really makes me question my opinion on things. This movie in the eyes of BOTH creators of Aggressive Comix was AMAZING! We used to talk about how we wanted Eric Mabius to be in EVERYTHING and 90% of all the characters we created for our comic books all looked EXACTLY like this character. HE WAS THE COOLEST! My god you step back and watch this movie now and you shiver from the level of bad that this thing is! It is honestly depressing! I mean look at just this images alone.


Just Terrible… Yup

30 (1)

Don’t give me that face, you know what you did!

Face-Off (Dom Davis)

Ohhh Face-Off… how we loved you. It was a great concept with a crap load of action. It had high tension and so much great shit. Then when you grow up its like… why do they keep touching each others faces… is that supposed to be symbolic? Because if I was at a mall and I saw people greeting one another with a face touch over a hug I would be completely weirded out. I mean the movie starts off with Nick Cage dry humping a choir girl for fuck sake to show he is one bad mother!


So for that alone you have made it on the list… At least we get some epic Nick Cage faces as a result of this…



which is more than we can be say about the Ghostrider films. So congrats Face-off you don’t age well


Butterfly Effect (Rich Cassidy)

Next on our list of terrible… Butterfly Effect. This movie was honestly the cause of all this. I destinctly remember seeing this film in my teens and going OMG YES! This movie so creative and so epic. You watch as an adult and there are SOOOO many point you are just like COME ON. First off its always nice to see a fat Fulton Reed have a career outside the Mighty Ducks but good god his story arches were always “shut in nut job”… And the best part, it wasn’t the family getting blown up by an blockbuster that puts him over, no its him killing a dog… really?! … that just shows you where our heads are as a society… But anyways there were so many different ways Kutcher’s character could have fixed everything, but instead he was worse time traveler ever, even worse than Marty and Doc Brown…


Yea that’s exactly how we felt after we re-watched this movie, dazzed and confused thinking we once knew this movie sooo well. The only good parts was when he was a really little kid and he told off the pedophile father…


which as a kid I remember just having chills watching that scene because it got too creepy too quick like … REALLY QUICK?! 


Wouldn’t change a thing Kutcher sorry but your movie sucked.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (Danny Santos)


Glad you agree skelator. I don’t even think we need to spend much time on this one… If you want 80’s cheese then we have a movie for you. Back when Dolph Lundgren had a career as a Russian he also got gigs as He-Man where he has to save Courteney Cox… Why… let her die… this movie tried really hard to make a storyline but why did all our comic book characters in the 80’s have to come from a time rift or some shit and then battle on earth? This isn’t Howard the Duck. Keep it simple and make it an ACTUAL He-Man story… no no no that would make sense and well the 80’s were like fuck that noise… so congrats He-Man you made it!


Street Fighter (Christina Tellifson)


I know we used to watch Street Fighter for DAYS on end. It was soooooo good, or at least we thought it was… The back stories on some of the characters made you do nothing but laugh. I mean these movies were all trying to ride the coat tales of Mortal Kombat’s success in the theaters. At this point in time production companies were jumping head first into video games movies screaming “YES WE CAN DO THIS”. There was soooo much wrong with this movie, like how Mr. Epic Splits was the most American Character in Guile.


Well fuck you too then! Now I LOVE Raul Julia BUT AS M. BISON?! REALLY!


Bison is a brick shit house and Raul Julia is a stick… the casting choices clearly were terrible as was the script. I do have to say though it was ballsy TRYING to bring Blanka into the movie… but… this is how it turned out…


He looks like a giant cheeto. So here is to you Street Fighter way to ruin my childhood!


Batman Forever (Ray’s Pick)

Don’t get too excited Jim we are about to destroy you. I suppose I’d have to go with Batman Forever. I wasn’t a super-huge fan of comics as a kid, I knew who was who and the odd origin story, and Batman was, of course, one of the favorites. There was something about all those actors that seemed to indicate greatness, I mean, Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey as awesome bad guys, and I was too young to realize exactly what Bruce Wayne should really have been like, so I didn’t inherently dislike Val Kilmer’s representation as such. It definitely seemed like a badass Batman story, over-the-top villains and gung-ho heroes. My God…watching it fifteen years later was so far beyond a chore I’m not sure I can actually define what the movie really is. Oh, right. Shit, that’s what it is. Plus how can we forget this stupid scene… like we NEEDED to see his “ninja” laundry skills or some shit?!


Yup for this and many MANY other things… you have earned a spot on our list!


This list can go on and on but we figure we leave it at a nice lucky number 7. So let us know what movies you think should make the list!

ABOUT >> Rich Cassidy
  • ACCOUNT NAME >> aggressivecomix
  • BIO >> Rich Cassidy is the CEO and Co-Owner of Aggressive Comix. Aggressive was originally created back in 1997 with his best friend and co-owner Dom Davis (Vice President) between the two of them their levels of geek knowledge is unparalleled. When others were worrying about getting laid Rich was worried about how he would escape the locker he was stuffed into.
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