Even though I know I should not have been, I was actually kind of excited for GI-JOE Retaliation this Summer. Aesthetically the trailers were showing us the JOES and COBRA we know (and knowing is half the battle) and it has seemed like a definite visual improvement over Rise of COBRA. Couple that with some Bruce Willis and they actually peaked my interest in the film. That being said, something had to go wrong, and now the release of the film is being postponed to March of next year. The reason you ask? Why 3D conversion silly! You know; cause that novelty has yet to wear off! Especially because making a film 3D when it is already in the can just looks so damn good! This maneuver kind of tips their hand. Do they know something about the film we don’t? It seems as though Paramount definitely has been stricken with a strong case of Arachnophobia.

The Spiderman character is box office tested and even though this is a reboot, The Amazing Spiderman will have creamed this film. I know that, you know that, the kid in the corner snorting paint flakes knows that, so why didn’t Paramount catch on before? These films share virtually the same audience and one was destined to “Ralph Nader” the other money wise. JOE would have been the likely pick to suffer in this instance. Christ sake Merchandise is already on the shelves! This made sense when the release was 5 weeks out; 11 months on the other hand now seems a wee bit premature. So now the JOES will lead the charge in March of 13, billed as the “pre summer blockbuster”, ala Hunger Games style. The 3D conversion will allow tickets to rise to premium rates, but it must be said to Paramount; Fuck 3D and fuck you just because I said so. Just squeeze every last cent out and then wonder why piracy is an issue, you uninspired douche-wads. Please don’t make it sound like you are doing us any favors here. You are absolutely terrified of this summer’s record breaking potential and you are now fully aware that Retaliation does not measure up. So rather than pull a lame duck like John Carter or Battleship (Not a good year for Taylor Kitsch) you pull your dog out of the fight and stack the deck in your favor for 2013. Honestly it is not a terrible strategy, but it is a gamble. Honestly will the dust Retaliation collects on the shelf till next year zap all the buzz away from it? Or will 3D, and a cushy March spot on a relatively competition free weekend make the film flourish, especially overseas?

By Dom Davis