The 5 Henchmen We Love to Watch
Rich Cassidy • 01/24/14
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While there maybe a lot of better known contenders for worst henchman, my pick is a little off the beaten track mostly because he has his own henchmen. My pick is none other than Vizzini, the Sicilian from the Princess Bride!
He was the leader of the 3 bandits who kidnapped Buttercup and supposedly the brains of the operation– but as a brain, he kind of fails spectacularly. First of all, it’s not his plan. Let me repeat that in goddamn caps lock: IT’S NOT HIS PLAN. The plan to kidnap Buttercup is Prince Humperdinck’s who hired Vizzini to carry it out. Then, when he had to think on his feet, his plan to take out the man in black was to have Inigo Montoya to stab him. When that failed, he then had Fezzik throw rocks at him.
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All of this is after seeing his prowess as a sailor and strength climbing the rope and not falling off the cliff. Why not have Fezzik just throw rocks at him while he was climbing the Cliffs of Insanity? Like seriously, am I the only one who found that to be the glaringly obvious choice?
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The iocane powder challenge does tell us his actual talent: Vizzini talks out of his ass. That and he was able to hire people to work for him and do the the stuff he can’t– namely, pretty much everything. This brings me to why I think he’s the worst, the only people in life who talk out of their ass, don’t realize how dumb they actually are and are this completely useless is middle management.
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And that’s what Vizzini is, the middle management of henchmen.

 

The Weasels (Who Framed Roger Rabbit – Rich’s Pick)

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The Weasels are Dr. Brown, aka Judge Doom’s Henchmen in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. They were a band of gangster style Weasels with a full cast of characters, I mean you had (in order left to right)  the dumb one, the higher level one, The Boss, the crazy one, and the low level one.

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These guys all tried really hard but at the end of the day they could not keep their shit together and came apart at the seems as Valiant made them laugh themselves to death.

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Though the cast of weasels overall was unsuccessful they were fun to watch as a kid. I remember I loved them at times more than I did Roger.  Roger was great and all but the weasels were stupid and fun.  The one thing they were pro’s at though was pissing Judge Doom off.

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Bebop and Rocksteady (TMNT – Everyone’s Pick)

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When various media is heavily influenced by sales of its toy-line it can be a double edged sword. On one side you can have a cartoon like transformers and on the other a movie like Batman and Robin; both completely driven by toys creatively. When the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles became an animated series in the 80’s, Playmates toys was looking for mutants to release as toys. The resulting creations proved to be two of the most iconic and bumbling henchmen of all time. Bebop and Rocksteady volunteered to be transformed by the Shredder in effort to exact revenge on the Turtles. The result was a mutant warthog and rhino respectively. Mutation didn’t exactly enhance the brains of these former gang bangers as they are widely regarded as the Tweedledee and Tweedledum as the TMNT universe. They have both found ways to foul up even the Shredder’s best laid plans.

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Don’t be so mad Shredder after all as dumb as they were, they are as universally loved by the TMNT fans. With each incarnation of the heroes in a half shell, we can’t help but wonder if these famous henchmen to the Shredder will be included in some way.

Starscream (Transformers – Dom’s Pick)

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Starscream is one of the most beloved characters in the Transformers and has appeared in almost every incarnation. Starscream is high-ranking Decepticon who constantly lets everyone known that he one day will replace Megatron. Luckly for Megatron, he tends to run away when shit really starts to hit the fan and tends to never finish when it comes to taking power.

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No don’t cry Starscream here have a poptart!

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There you go much better! Plus don’t sweat it you are still a fan favorite! Just don’t let Megatron bully you too much!

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Ummm yea maybe work on that?

ABOUT >> Rich Cassidy
  • ACCOUNT NAME >> aggressivecomix
  • BIO >> Rich Cassidy is the CEO and Co-Owner of Aggressive Comix. Aggressive was originally created back in 1997 with his best friend and co-owner Dom Davis (Vice President) between the two of them their levels of geek knowledge is unparalleled. When others were worrying about getting laid Rich was worried about how he would escape the locker he was stuffed into.
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