It’s that time of year where you try to encapsulate all you want to accomplish into one single improvement of yourself–the New Years Resolution. That’s right, at the end of the last year you’ve realized “Fuck! You know what? I’ve slacked off making myself a better human being! This is the year I change!”

Worse yet, you’ve even slacked off coming up with a resolution.

So what should you, fellow geek, improve about yourself? Well, fortunately for you, thinking up ideas isn’t on your list because I’ve written up a bunch for myself to choose from! Follow along as I point out my shortcomings!

Get Off Yer Ass

The first one is always the first thing anyone thinks of a resolution. Exercise. In my case–I’m not fat. Hell, I land in that beautiful spot of exactly the right weight for exactly the right height. So, why is this on my list? Despite coming in at 155 lbs, I have a bit of a that droopy hanging belly, I don’t need to get into shape… I need a shape that makes way more sense for my weight. Srsly body, WTF?

Let Lucas Off The Hook

Speaking of exercise, I’ve been using ol’ George and his lack of a chin as a punching bag after the horrible atrocities that are the prequel trilogy. Does he deserve it?

Hell yeah! Have you seen the prequels? I couldn’t watch the OT for a few years after the PT I was so disgusted! But that time has now passed as he has learned to stay the fuck away from the universe he’s created. The least I can do now is to let him gracefully bow out and pray that the next creative team can clean up his mess.

Clean Up That Playlist

I’ve got so much media: ebooks, movies, television episodes, music, etc. just kicking around on my machine(s) that I can’t keep it all straight. The worst part isn’t that the media is located on both my laptop and desktop–but that there’s so much of it, it has to be contained on no fewer than 2 external drives! Or is that 3… honestly, I can’t remember, this crap is all over the place (plus another 2 drives for automated backup that are filling quickly).

It doesn’t help that I do quite a bit of video editing and that’s all over the place too. And duplicates? Fuck, don’t talk to me about duplicates…

Use my Google+ Account

…

BWAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHA!

ECHO! Echo! echo. echo…

Reduce my RSS and Reddit Use

Yeah, I still use an RSS reader, what of it? Reddit is really turning into a time-suck blackhole. For reference, I had to give up Digg for the exact same reason years ago after I woke up one day and realized a month had passed by without doing anything other than Digg, eat, sleep. Seriously, I’d wake up… eat and then proceed to go through all the Digg articles until I reached where I’d left off the day before. By the time I got there a whole pile of new articles would pile up and I’d go read those. I’m that goddamn insane with the inane.

Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra

Pop-culture is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all geeky things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together.

I speak in so much pop-culture references that it’s becoming a language of it’s own right. The only more disturbing thing is how often I’m understood speaking this way and it totally reminds me of that episode of Star Trek TNG where the Tamarians speak only in metaphor… I have to reduce the amount of references I make.

See The Sun

How much pastier do I need to be?

On second thought, I’m Canadian, and it’s bitch-ass cold outside, maybe I’ll wait till summer to enact this one. Instead I’ll stay huddled in my yak skin next to the fire in my igloo. There are polar bears rummaging through my garbage out there, don’t-ya-know.

No More Resolutions

Every year I make a list of resolutions and I ask myself, “self, honestly, are you going to keep any of these resolutions?”

Myself responds with… “dude, seriously? There’s only one resolution you’ve ever kept and it was never to make a New Year’s resolution ever again”.

“Oh yeah,” I respond, “I guess I’m doing better than most with that one! I mean, it’s been about a decade or so since I made it and so far I’ve been going strong!”

So I guess I’ll suck in my gut, bitch about Lucas while making stupid pop-culture references only a tenth of the population gets while sitting in the dark by the glow of my LCD. What could a geek possibly want more than that?

More Sex

Touché, brain. Touché.