Stephen Spielberg stated in a recent interview for his new film Bridge of Spies, “Now I’ll probably do an Indy 5 with Harrison…” Let’s stop right there.

Look, I tried to give Crystal Skull a chance, I really did.  My wife insisted. But it just didn’t work for me, it was a trainwreck of bad acting, bad lines, and dare I say it, phoned in directing on the part of Mr. Spielberg.

Hold on, put down the torches. Spielberg is one of my all time favorite directors but just compare his previous work with Indy 4 and you’ll see what I’m talking about. But Spielberg isn’t even what I’m worried about with a new Indy film, it is Indy himself. I don’t want to see Indy get tired and slow, after all, Harrison today, is 15 years older than Sean Connery was when he played Indy’s father back in 1989. This franchise was something that should have been capitalized on back in the 90’s when we were desperately in need of good films.  

What we don’t need is to remember Indiana Jones as an old man passing the torch to yet another bad casting decision. We don’t need Hollywood to bring back another beloved story and try to rehash, reboot, re-tell, or otherwise repackage the thing we adored years ago and sell it back to us for all the wrong reasons. We need producers, directors, and actors, to fall in love with a character, a story, or an idea and to put that on screen, not go through the motions of trying to recreate a magic that is long lost.

And you, over there, behind the computer screen. Stop saying CHRIS PRATT! He can’t have every role. Picture him saying “it belongs in a museum!” and I think we can all stop recommending him.

Just let this one go, Hollywood. Just leave it alone. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for, man. Tap a new well! In fact, do me a favor, throw out everything you’re thinking of making, call up Netflix and ask them if any scripts have come across their desks that need the big budget Hollywood treatment, then make that and kick yourselves because you probably had that same script in your hands at one point and you passed on it.

You know what, fuck it, put Jeremy from Cinemasins in charge: